Tuesday, November 24, 2009

14 Days of Mommyhood

Patrick is two weeks old today. I just can't believe it! He's already holding his head up. He was such a little show off for his Grandma D when she stopped by for a visit. Just too cute.

I wish I could capture every second of his cuteness...I have been told that this early baby time goes by very quickly...I don't want to forget any of it.

I do think I have gotten over the initial shock of "Oh my GOD I have baby!"...mostly...so I can enjoy this time, even with a few ups and downs in my mood.
I am also almost a master diaper changer. Is there a medal or trophy or at least a little plaque for that?
All around I am feeling a bit more capable. I have also noticed that when I am feeling really down, holding him makes it better. He has magickal powers of extreme cuteness...truly!

Right now he is making little monster noises. I think he likes to hear what kinds of sounds he can make. He practices that skill alot. He really makes us laugh =)

I wonder what the next two weeks will bring?

Monday, November 23, 2009

What I Learned Today

1. I underestimate myself
2. It is ok to start something and later decide not to do it after all
3. I am still recovering and need to take it easy a bit longer
4. This is a transition time, I am not supposed to be living life to the fullest just yet
5. It is perfectly acceptable and expected even to have frizzy hair and frumpy clothes right now (still recovering and in transition)

This makes me feel so much better!!!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

A New Role

As I am nearing the end of my recovery period it has occurred to me that real life has to start soon...I am so scared it isn't even funny! How can I do this? Be a mom and still be me? I know it is possible because I have seen it, but I imagine it takes alot of effort.

I have always wanted to be one of those really awesome Domestic Goddess type moms who know everything and do everything without missing a beat. Bake, cook, craft with the kids and my own stuff, sew, knit, paint, and do it all with a smile and awesome hair and clothes...
I always figured I'd have time to perfect these skills before adding a baby into it...somehow time caught up to me, and now here I am with the wriggly cute little creature that relies on me completely, and I have no idea how to be a mom, and certainly have had no practice being that Domestic Goddess I have always wanted to be. (I am sure feminists everywhere are cringing right about now. You can be a feminist and still rock the Domesticness...really though)

SO how do I do this?
How do I be the grown up I have always wanted to be, while adding on this new role of mommyhood?

It is so scary. What if I can't do it? What if I just half-ass through life and lose myself completely to become nothing more than "Patrick's mom" and Sandi no longer exists...and I'll wake up one day and wonder what the hell happened...

This is my not so secret fear...
But what to do about it?

I've never been good with the follow through. I don't even know where to start. The days blur into each other, and before I know it a week has gone by and all I have to show for it is frizzy hair, some clean laundry, and a well fed sleeping baby.
This does not make a life...at least not a very well lived one.

I want to be awesome at this...but I don't know how.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Cheese Puffs and Danish - Bad Idea!

So, yesterday I had a non lunch of junk food around 12pm... about 12 hours later we paid the price for my severe lack in judgement.
The baby does not like dairy, including cheese...and sadly the junk food was not junky enough to be fake cheese *sigh*
Poor little Patrick did not settle down until 3am...and poor Drew had to be up at 5am.

I will not be doing that again!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The first 7 days

Patrick is now 7 days old.
It is still sinking in that I am a mother. I have some very serene moments where I just feel as if I am overflowing with love and calm. And I have moments where I am completely overwhelmed by this. How can I be responsible for another little being when I can barely pull off just being me? Every time I start to feel this way I try to remind myself that alot of it is hormones going crazy, and not really me. I also talk to Drew about it. Expressing out moments of panic and overwhelmedness help us deal with them, and bond more with each other. And it usually leads right into happy moments and being completely smitten with the baby conversations. It is really nice to share this whole experience with each other, the good and the bad. After all, this is a journey we are going on together. 

We've only had one really rough night with the baby so far. The second night he was home. Man oh man was that a rough night! But since then we are starting to get our groove, albeit a bit clumsily still.

I've noticed that things that I feared before hand (like poop) are not nearly as scary - in fact, some of my happiest memories of the past week involve baby changing drama. Very messy, and very funny! 

I have been so lucky to have Drew with me this whole time. Being my support, my anchor, and just making me feel so cherished. Not to mention watching him with Patrick is just the most adorable thing ever! I'm so glad he got to spend the first week of Patrick's life with him and not at work. 
Sadly, the mini vacation is over and he is back to work today. This is my first day with the baby all by myself. I am happy to report it is going really well! 

I just can't believe we've already had him for 7 days...1 whole week...wow! 

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Patrick!

Patrick is here!
He was born 4:15am, weighing 9lbs 1 ounce, and 20.5 inches long.

The birth was amazing! Painful sure, but definitely not impossible, and just amazing and empowering! I had so much support from my midwife and the assistants/doulas, and of course Drew never left my side. My mom was in the mix as well, rubbing my feet. She was also there to hold my hand during a slightly rough time after the baby was born. I have to say, I felt absolutely spoiled and loved. If ever there was a time in my life where I felt like a princess, or a goddess (as Drew likes to call me) this was definitely it!

12.5 hours of labor (once it really got going it was kind of a strange blur), and suddenly...there he was! This messy, crying, wriggly little creature...
My son...

And he's beautiful!
Happy Birthday Pumpkin.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Acupuncture & Stuff

Something I never thought I'd do...acupuncture. It has always creeped me out a bit. I realize that is a bit funny coming from a girl with a bunch of tattoos...but weird little needles sticking out of various body parts really is...just creepy...

But being severely pregnant and 6+ days overdue can really change a girl's mind.

So I have an appointment on Saturday to be "naturally induced" via acupuncture.
Unless of course he decides to come before then...
Either way...it looks like he'll be born Saturday at the latest! YEY!

I also had a BPP done (ultrasound to make sure the baby is doing ok in there - he is) and they estimate he is 9lbs. Yikes!

One cool thing - I've been asked twice today when I am due. Yey for random people finally noticing I am pregnant and asking about it! It makes me happy! I know it is silly, but at this point especially, I'll take those small little pleasures =)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

+ 5 Days

I am now 5 days overdue.
I'm trying so hard to just relax and be calm...I know that stressing out and being anxious really won't do any good...

But it is so hard to relax and be calm when I am so uncomfortable...

Baby...November 3rd is a wonderful day for a Birthday!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

+ 3 days...

3 days overdue. I can't even imagine what it would be like if I have to go 2 weeks. That seems like forever! And I am already so uncomfortable I want to cry most of the time.

Drew has been so wonderful, reminding me to relax, and that the baby will come soon, as soon as he's ready...

It was a bit of a let down to not have him today. Last night my contractions got to 5 minutes apart, not strong at all, but more regular...I was so sure he'd come today, until I woke up and realized the contractions had stopped. *sigh*

He'll be here soon. I know he will. And I am trying to enjoy the last few days or so of relative quiet and complete relaxation and laziness...but I hurt so much all over...